Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it's great music for shaving your balls
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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