i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
