well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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