Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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