Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
