I must be too annoying 4 u.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
