Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
