dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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