my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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