I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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