I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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