The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
