Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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