Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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