AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
