hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
