So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
