Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
