I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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