It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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