Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
