it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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