yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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