it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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