this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
