WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
