My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
