things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
