Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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