Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize