We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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