4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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