i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
