My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
