According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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