remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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