Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
