You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
