The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
