the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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