WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Please don't give away my fajitas
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