so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize