I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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