i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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