Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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