OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
