I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
