I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
