I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
