He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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