That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You made out with two different species that night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
