i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
