Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
