normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
