i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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