i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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