I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
