I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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