he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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