dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
