Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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