My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
