Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
