Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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