im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When did angry sex become our thing?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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