I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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