That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
