Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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