Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
