fuck your aforementioned shoe
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
