I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize