am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize