hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
