we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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