I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
