i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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