I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
