The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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