I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Randomize
