I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
