You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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