so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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