Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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