either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
