that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
