mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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