ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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