1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
