Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
