i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize