i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
