I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When did angry sex become our thing?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You ruined the universe
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
