Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
