I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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