i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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