He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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