Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
