She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
