Please, let me fuck your mom
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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