The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
