dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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