Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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