There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize