you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He kissed a someone with a penis
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I need moral support for this bender
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
